When being a "man" becomes futile

 Person of the hour? Not totally…

“Women should chase men because they need providers,” replied an unknown guy on Twitter to my comment supporting an argument that women should not chase men.

Photo by Sinitta Leunen on Unsplash

Woah, hold up.

What is happening to men now?

I was so relieved when my fellow ladies stood with me. I am aware that men in the first place are the providers because they have been in the earlier centuries, given that they are gentlemen. I will not contest that fact, but I cannot digest the guy’s statement on Twitter that women will always need them, the men. This guy is no gentleman along with the other boys who stick to such a toxic mindset.

This is an open letter for all the guys who believe the same and are still mentally existing in the very old times when women are deemed dependent on them.

These men assert such ideas because they are threatened by a woman’s innate power. Women can topple feeble-minded men. We, women, are not too vulnerable. We can fight battles in the best way we know how. We are not driven by unreasonable impulses.

If these men believe that women only run to them to be looked after, then why do most of them run away from their responsibility when they finally put a baby into their women’s womb? Why do we have single mothers? Why do we have households where women are the breadwinners who work hard to keep their families afloat? If these men shamelessly consider themselves a gentleman, why do they have to boast of accommodating women’s needs? They are more likely to imply that women are their gold diggers.

Let me tell you that women are no gold diggers. Women can be financially secured on their own without a man. Women can have a liberated life if she chooses to. Men no longer grip women’s freedom. She can live the life she wants and that is why a woman is not born to chase a man. We are no longer withheld by the conventional expectations of society.

I cannot tolerate this guy’s generalization of women as if we’re destitute creatures. I abhor such an insult. Some women including me are not that cheap to chase after a man so we could be provided for. Of course, women and men co-exist with and need each other primarily to procreate and to build a family. But what about outside this unit? What about those women who took a different path? If women will constantly need men in all aspects, why do some women choose to be single? Why do some women are not interested in men, but rather chase their ambitions in life? 

If these men will take a look around the world, they will see numerous women who earned success in their professional careers and have established their honorable reputations. Undoubtedly, perhaps these women make more money than those men who are only excellent in raising hopes of unfulfilled promises and disappointments.

I firmly believe that women can live fully without a man. There is more to life than men. Besides, my poppa said we won’t die if we don’t marry or get a boyfriend. It’s how poppa empowered me and my siblings since we’re all girls. I am proud of men who believe in women’s capabilities.

We may all be women, but we are different in how we present ourselves to command respect. Do not generalize us as mere inferiors. There are types of women who may fit this guy’s common misconceptions such as the Cinderella girls. A Cinderella-type of woman is always dependent on someone. She cannot find the means to be independent because she dreams of a Prince Charming, a destined gentleman who will save her from impoverished life. Yet, not all men are Prince Charming because they are not gentlemen.

The definition of being a gentleman does not end with his ability to render for the women and children. A gentleman does not see a woman as someone beneath them who needs to be fed and clothed. He is not providing for them just because he believes he is superior. Regardless of gender norms, a man who is a gentleman naturally knows that he is bound to protect women.

A woman with children will seek financial security because she is concerned about their future. Women will be after all about the security and only genuine gentlemen will be up to the responsibility. A true gentleman will not complain about it because he fully understands his role to his woman.

To these men, you do not have the right to claim that you must be chased after by women. Even if you detest the idea, it is the men who must pursue women. Are you man enough to forget your exaggerated ego to at least try to understand where women are coming from? Women had been subjected to the traditional patriarchal society everywhere in the world and although we have broken free from this system, we still require men to do the effort of winning our affection. It’s how we see your sincerity.

If you cannot do that, then you are just a man without true strength and courage to prove yourself. You men are inherently born to be stronger than women. It’s why you are confident that we need you. You have the guts to boast about it, but you caterwaul to being providers. 

These kinds of men took too much pride in themselves, asserting the idea that women should chase them. I know a lot of guys like this and the girls they usually get are left brokenhearted and ruined. I don’t know if I will pity these girls because personally, a lady’s boyfriend or partner reflects her worth. If she gets a good-for-nothing guy, then she doesn’t know her value. I’m not sure with others if it’s true though. She could have avoided him if she knew better. She should have not trusted him easily because this kind of man is only good in the beginning, hence he lacks consistency. However, ladies are naturally empathic and thus it is men’s manipulation scheme that must be blamed if she fell for him.

As a woman, I don’t generalize men as bad humans. There are ones who can be trusted and relied on, and there are others who must be avoided and ignored. Like these men, some women deserve respect and other women must learn to love themselves more. Men and women should recognize one another’s vulnerabilities and strengths, not belittle or overestimate each other to create intimidation or domination.

If they do not consider themselves gentlemen, then what are they? What will happen to these men’s belief that they are providers then? What is their purpose as men? A man should not be worried about what a woman could offer to him because she is a versatile being. In a matter of give-and-take between men and women to become worth it, both must get the person they deserve based on their disposition. A high-value man for a high-value woman, and a trashy man for a trashy woman. 

No one is perfect in this world, neither men nor women. We all have masculine and feminine features, and it doesn’t make us much less of a man or a woman. Both men and women are conquerors, but the former must show that they are also the main protectors and not someone who’s being saved out of danger. If a man cannot act as a chief knight the same as being a pursuer of a woman, then what’s the point of being proclaimed a man? 

Is it really us, women who must be your escorts?