This Is Why Cheaters Don't Deserve Forgiveness

 

 

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I was asked, “Can you forgive a cheater?”

Love indeed makes people do stupid things like forgiving a cheater. Yes, it is ridiculous. And no, I don’t think cheaters deserve forgiveness from the person they cheated on. Forgiveness is not easy. 

Girls, let me tell you this: Cheaters are not entitled to your mercy and forgiveness. Cheaters are never guilty of what they did because they only think of their happiness and pleasure. Some people were confused: what if the cheater was sorry for what he did? Girl, he shouldn’t have hurt you in the first place if he did love you. Some guys only realize their mistake once done. They may feel guilty, but they feel good about it. Undoubtedly, he might do it again. 

Yet, if you wish to accept him back into your life, my unsolicited advice would be: better not. You cannot be friends with him or anything. Ditch your memories of him. Do not let him return to your life. He doesn’t deserve you. Or, even if he has no plans to be with you again and wants friendship or closure, you do not have to give him even the slightest attention. If you were hurt so bad, you would never want to hear from him again. Let him do whatever he wants. Do not beg him to come back to you and to love you again. It is an absurdity. It is an insult to your being. Really.

Well, if you wish to forgive him, you don’t need to keep in touch with him. Avoid him. You can freely go on with your life as if he was a stranger. 

I understand the feeling of being cheated in love. I know it hurts so much. It makes us think that we are not enough for them - that we did not give our best for them. Maybe it’s the reason why they resorted to seeking an affair. Do you know why? I don’t understand why some guys are like that. 

I don’t know if you will agree or disagree, but let me tell you a few things about why cheaters are difficult to forgive or why I think they do not deserve our mercy. Girls, let’s not make a fool of ourselves. We are no one’s fool, especially those guys who know nothing but to hurt girls’ feelings. 

 

He can never heal your pain

You gave your very best for him but he hurt you after all. After everything you endured to stay with him, to love him, he still committed the offense you can never fathom. If he ever asked for forgiveness, are you sure that he can repay all your sacrifices for him? Can he remove all the pain he has caused you? Does he deserve your forgiveness? Remember, a scar barely fades. 

 

He can never restore your trust in him

You are not to blame if you gave him your trust. It was his choice to abuse and to ruin it. Trust is a vital foundation in a relationship. Never trust him again. If you still love him and he wants to be with you again, will you accept him? Love alone is not enough reason to forgive and accept this guy back into your life. He did not love you enough because he cheated on you. What is there to reciprocate if it’s only one-sided love? 

 

He is never guilty and he doesn’t care

Cheaters will deny their trouble to save themselves and take you for granted continuously. I had a friend who caught her boyfriend commenting on a lady’s post (they are mutual friends on Facebook, of course, it will pass through her FB News Feed) 4 years ago. Her boyfriend recently commented on it with hearts and blushing faces. It only meant he was stalking the girl. She asked her boyfriend about it then it was confirmed. Before the discovery, my friend and her boyfriend had a problem. Her boyfriend needed space to find himself because he had to find his so-called purpose in life. My friend waited patiently for her boyfriend to feel well. She trusted him throughout their relationship. They were only a few months to celebrate their second anniversary. Long story short, her boyfriend was already seeing another girl while a friend of mine was exerting all her understanding and patience to wait for her boyfriend. 

She believed in him that they would be together again, as happy as before. Never did my friend know that she was being two-timed by her boyfriend’s alleged, I-gotta-find-myself. He raised my friend’s hopes that they will be okay later on, but it turned out that he had a new girl. I cannot blame my friend because I also know the guy for being principled and righteous. Even I didn’t expect that her boyfriend will act that way. He’s not principled and righteous this time. 

The worst is, he confirmed that he already has a new girl, but he kept denying that he cheated on my friend. Then, what does he call the mess he made? 

 

He can never pay for all the good things you did for him

You sacrificed your dreams to be with him as he has promised to give you happiness. He only gave you the burden to suffer from his pride and possessiveness. Some guys are so jealous and infuriated when their girls are being offered kindness by gentlemen. But in truth, they are the ones who are doing miracles behind your back. Girls, be wary of guys like this. 

 

He can never bring back your old self

How do you return to the real you? 

You were once the innocent, cheerful, and grateful person. Your cheater robbed your true you. Cheaters will transform you into a girl he wanted, a meek one – so that he can manipulate you. He will disallow you to wear clothes you are accustomed to, forbid you to avoid other guys, tell you how to please him, and impose dos and don’ts. You can never object because you love him. You lost yourself somewhere when you were with him. Am I right? Most ladies, as I observe, will show their boyfriend or partner her affection by being submissive. I can never blame some women because we believe that men are supposed to respect, love, and care for us. Now, I won’t believe in it. 

 

He betrayed you

Face the fact. Did you ask why he cheated? What was the reason? Why didn’t he admit it? Let’s go back to the ex-boyfriend who two-timed my friend. She said her ex couldn't tell her that he was already seeing another girl because he was afraid he would hurt her. Isn't it ironic? Cowardice is not an excuse. With this instance, I can only say that this guy is not content with one girl. He knew betrayal would hurt my friend with his big lie.

How can you forgive a traitor?

…

 

Trickster men can never build back what you both had put up before. He ruined your relationship and it’s not your responsibility to fix it. Let him do the work and learn the lessons from his mess. Whether you are to give him a second chance to be with you again or you are to forgive him and go on with your individual lives with closure, it’s still up to you. But let me tell you, you are no saint. Don’t be a martyr. Your feelings of love and affection despite what he had done to you can pass off, but your worth should remain. Do not be afraid or hesitant to let go of the guy who hurt you with infidelity. 

We can never judge a book by its cover. It’s quite annoying to think that we were played by someone who wanted us first. Guys will promise you beautiful things in the beginning and show you what is good in them. Be careful, all of it might be just for a show.  

We can never know who to believe, who to trust. Sometimes, we are being fooled by the ones we love and it hurts so much. 

If love is truly powerful, why didn’t it prevent him from committing an affair when he knew it will hurt you? Does it mean his love for you is not that strong? Even if we say that love is not about chasing perfection, it still must be lesser evil. 

Start rebuilding yourself but don’t expect that he would be sorry for what he did. Become a better version of yourself and be happy without him. Consider it a blessing because you just liberated yourself from the misery of being with him.  

All women deserve better and can be so much more. Be the woman he can never have the guts to speak to or get near to. It will be fine if he never comes back to you. Congratulations, you are free then. There will be a gentleman out there who looks for a lady like you – you will find the one who will truly see your value, respect you, and love you. 

For my last unsought advice: Forgive or forgive him not. Forget about him. Focus on yourself.

 

How about you? Do you have thoughts about this? Let me know what you think.